MARCH 2010

It's hard for me to blog when I'm knee deep in writing. After all, I spend the entire day writing, doing more writing is usually the last thing I want to do when my day is done. Also, there's just not too much to talk about when I'm spending 8-10 hours sitting at my desk in front of my computer. Outside of the things going on in my mind, my actual life is pretty boring.

But now I'm in between drafts on what will hopefully be the next film I direct, 1 Act into another script, and working on a pitch for a third script. So I'm kind of at an in-between moment.

The script that will hopefully become the next film I direct is just that: the script that will hopefully become the next film I direct. It's something that I've been working on for a while and that until a few days ago, almost no one on my "team" (manager, agent wife, friends, family) had read. But I'm unbelievably excited about it. Even more so than I was with The Invention of Lying. This is probably because when I finished The Invention of Lying there wasn't a smidgen of a chance in my mind that: a) it would ever get made, b) it would get made with A list actors, c) I would co-direct it.

Writing a script knowing that there's a chance it will get made and possibly by my own hands, adds a whole new level of excitement to a near finished draft. I wish I could talk about the script, god knows I'm chomping at the bit (champing? chomping? Larry David?) to talk about every scene.

But suffice it to say that it's: a comedy, on a larger scale than The Invention of Lying, very R-rated, much much much more technically demanding and exactly the kind of film I would wait in the rain for twenty-four hours on opening day to see.

But the road ahead is a long one. There are more drafts of the script to be written, actors to approach and then attach, producers/production companies to rally, budgets to write, money to raise, dates to lock down, locations to agree upon and then, and only then, do you maybe, just maybe, get to go make a movie.

And that all hinges on whether anyone can be convinced that I, as a writer/director, deserve another ride on the merry-go-round.

So, I'll keep you posted as much as I can about what goes down with the script.

MY TOP TEN OF 2009

So it's that time of year again. The time to make TOP TEN lists that have all the same films as everyone else's lists, but in a slightly different order. Ooh, look at me, I liked Inglourious Basterds too. No shit? That's crazy. Wait... you like good movies too. WTF?! Horray for Fantastic Mr. Fox, right? You ARE right! Ice Cream tastes yummy! I agree with you! Wheee!

But here's what separates my list from everyone else's list: I'm an upper class white male working in the entertainment industry. You don't get THAT perspective very often.

Usually I start these lists off with my Top Ten Worst Films of the Year. It's a chance for me to glibly attack the hard work of others without any care whatsoever for their personal feelings. The truth is I don't even usually see the films in my Top Ten Worst Films of the Year list. The excuse I give is because "I don't have to. You reach a point in film watching where you can eviscerate certain films, sight-unseen, with great confidence." God, what a cocky asshole I am.

But this year something different happened to me. I made a film (alongside Ricky Gervais). And not just some tiny little indie film. A studio film (with independent backing)! (And Ricky Gervais!) A film released in like 1300 theaters with a major marketing push! A film that made almost 32 million dollars worldwide and cost about 18 and a half to make! A film that did, for all intents and purposes, well. Anyway, no one can say it was a complete and total disaster. In fact, some people have even gone so far as to congratulate me on the film!

Something happens to you when you make such a film. Can you guess what that thing is?

People watch it.

And they have opinions on the film. And you read them. And sometimes they hurt your feelings.

It gives you a new perspective on the glib little cunt sitting at his desk tearing apart three years worth of your work with his Macbook Pro and his cunty little face. Maybe he/she just had a bad day. Maybe his/her tastes just differ from yours. Maybe he/she just doesn't like Terrence Malick movies and therefore doesn't count as a human being.

There are many reasons why someone might not like your film and not all of them are reasons for your feelings to get all hurted. And I'd say that about 99 percent of the bad reviews of my film had absolutely no effect on me. Some of them even made me like the film more (quite a few actually.) Ironically, some of the good reviews made me like the film less.

But occasionally a review or an opinion would hit me where I live. And it would hurt my feelings. It would awaken in me that primal fear of "oh god, maybe it's not as good as I thought," or "Oh no, I really hoped no one would call me out on that! Oh noes!"

My point is this: only after making a film on such a large scale was I able to appreciate just how hurtful the glib remarks of a blogging/reviewing little cunt can be. And it gave me a new perspective on my TOP TEN WORST FILMS list that I do every year.

The fact that my lists have gotten pretty popular (last year's was re-printed by Vanity Fair), made me realize just how many people were reading them and that maybe I should hold back on being as mean as I usually am.

After all, some of these people are my peers now. I work with some of them on a daily basis. The people behind these films are human beings to me now. Not just distant names on a marquis.

Therefore, I'm sorry to inform you that this year I will not have a TOP TEN WORST FILMS list.

Let it sink in.

Really take it in.

Come on guys, it's mean.

I can't do it anymore.

Okay, I'm just fucking with you.

LET'S PUT THESE FRUITS ON BLAST.

MY TOP TEN WORST FILMS OF 2009

10. Paul Blart: Mall Cop -- hahah, his last name sounds like fart! And it's in a mall. I GO to malls. A LOT. So I'm gonna get ALL THESE JOKES. I'm writing a reboot of this called Pall Mall: Blart Cop. It's a stop-motion film made entirely with cigarettes and it takes place in Dystopian future where teenagers are hooked on a street drug called "Blart" which infects your brain with stupidity and makes you always type "u" instead of "you".

9. Imagine That -- Is exactly what I would have said if you had told me twenty years ago that Eddie Murphy would be in this film. And then I would have embarked on a mission to PUNCH EDDIE MURPHY.

8. The Cove -- This movie is bullshit leftist pro-dolphin propaganda. Ooh, dolphins are so great. They're like humans but good. Ooh. You know what? Fuck dolphins. They don't give two shits about you. And they're racist. I actually haven't seen this movie, but I want to. I've heard it's great. But how funny would it be if I had like this SERIOUS problem with dolphins.

7. Shorts -- Dear Robert Rodriguez. Every time you make a movie for your kids it will end up on my Top Ten Worst Films of the Year list. Every time you make a movie not for kids I will go see it and probably enjoy it (as long as it's not Desperado or the one after that, those weren't for me). Please just make other movies. And please stop making them ALL IN YOUR HOUSE. IT'S WEIRD.

6. Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Squeakquel -- Fuck you with an AIDS dick.

5. I Can Do Bad All By Myself -- I believe you.

4. The Blind Side -- I don't give a shit if this story is real. I don't give a shit if it's touching and wonderful. There is something fucking inherently racist about a rich white women explaining to a FULLY GROWN BLACK MAN what a bed is. I bet she also teaches him how to smile. Deleted scenes I'm looking forward to: Rich White woman teaches Poor Black Man how to wipe himself. Rich White Woman teaches Poor Black Man how to not be so bad all the time.

3. Old Dogs -- I don't even care. But I just felt it had to be on here, right? I think Robin Williams had to make this in order to balance out the sheer greatness of World's Greatest Dad. So... what's everyone else's excuse?

2. The Twilight Saga: The New Moon -- Ooh, it's a "Saga" now. What a great "Saga". Like the Godfather "Saga". I love "Saga's". Last year this was my number one Worst Film of 2008 and I wrote a nice letter to the Fat Girls of America reproaching them for their careless ways. According to the Box Office numbers, the audience for the Twilight "Saga" has now officially grown to include EVERYONE BUT ME. I'm sure this one is a little better. I'm even a great admirer of Chris Weitz. I don't even hate this series anymore. I honestly don't even care. It's fine. You can have your things and I can have mine. But because mormons, mediocrity and bad writing annoy me I'm putting this at number two ON PRINCIPLE.

1. Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen -- Should be re-titled Revenge of the Writer's Strike. Because this is what happens when Michael Bay writes a movie and two actual screenwriters are brought in at the last minute to make a plot of out 45 minutes of action previs. This is a mistake and I hope no one ever makes a movie in that way again. And I actually enjoyed the first one and was excited for this. Because I like giant robots and I even sometimes like Michael Bay. But all things must pass.

And now we move onto My Top Ten Best Films of 2009. And no, The Invention of Lying was not in the running for my list. And no it's not not on the list because I don't like it enough. It's just not on the list BECAUSE THAT WOULD BE CREEPY.

MY TOP TEN BEST FILMS OF 2009

10. The Hurt Locker -- A great action movie in the style of action movies you don't see very often anymore. I call this style "good". Also a nice little morality tale about how war is addictive and maybe some of those troops out there who are so pro-military maybe -- just maybe -- have a darker secret.

9. World's Greatest Dad -- Nasty and dark and, in the end, surprisingly beautiful.

8. Star Trek -- Probably the most fun I've had in a movie theater this year. I did get to go to the premiere in London, so my experience might be a bit tainted, but I've watched it twice since on blu-ray and it really holds up. Just a fun ride with some really fun filmmaking behind it all. I'm very down for whatever JJ wants to do.

7. Fantastic Mr. Fox -- I have a feeling this film will move higher up over the years. But I've only seen it once now. Most of the films on this list I've seen at least twice. But this one made it all the way to number six on one viewing. It's great.

6. Watchmen -- I really don't get all the people who don't like this. Yes, I agree the best part of the film is the first ten minutes, but I seriously enjoy watching this. Even the crazy long cut. I've seen it a few times. Maybe I'm just a super fan of the book and I love watching it come to life. But I just love this. And I love the filmmaking and I'm also super down for anything Zack Snyder wants to do.

5. Antichrist -- How the fuck did he make every frame of this film look so... indescribable. It looks like how I imagine reality will look when you're looking back on your life from your deathbed. Ooh, deep Matt. Also, she cuts up her lady parts. And that SHIT IS CRAZY.

4. District 9 -- A super fun pastiche of great films, themes, filmmaking styles, tones and characters. Well done and will be a comfort movie in years to come. Also, can you imagine how good the sequel is going to be? I bet the aliens come back and THEY ARE ALL ANGRY.

3. Avatar -- A true cinematic experience in the old-Hollywood sense. Sitting in a theater, watching in incredible IMAX 3D, I found myself thinking over and over again "I love this so much. This is so great." I had a huge smile on my face and I just never wanted it to end. I had this same feeling watching The Abyss in the theaters. Cameron has taken all of his characters, themes, stories and refined them into diamond shape for this one. Yes it's like how a fourteen year old views the world, but I AM DOWN TO BE FOURTEEN AGAIN sometimes.

2. Inglourious Basterds -- So bored of talking about it. Shut up.

1. A Serious Man -- The only time I was left breathless in the theater this year. I've seen it twice since and it gets exponentially better on each viewing. The ending gives me chills and goosebumps in a way that makes it hard for me not to call this THE BEST COEN BROS FILM EVER MADE. I'm not saying that just yet. But I like trying it on for size. Near perfect in every way.

Just to save you the bitching, here are other films I liked a whole bunch: Zombieland, Moon, In the Loop, Drag Me to Hell, Up, Adventureland, Taken, Anvil, Funny People.

Here are films I haven't seen that I bet I'd like a lot: Big Fan, An Education, Doctor Parnassus, Enter the Void, Crazy Heart, A Prophet, The White Ribbon, A Town Called Panic, Ponyo.

It's been a great year for film. To everyone who saw The Invention of Lying I say sincerely, THANK YOU. To everyone who liked it I say, sincerely, THANK YOU VERY MUCH. To everyone who hated it, I say, DON'T WORRY MY NEXT FILM IS PALL MALL: BLART COP AND THAT WILL BE BETTER.

Here's to 2010...

MUSICOMEDY

I listen to a lot of music while I write. Usually lyric-less, usually not too obtrusive. I have a few personal favorites that I've listened to so many times they simply become a heartbeat in the background that I barely notice. The main selections:

Beethoven's Piano Sonatas

Chopin's Nocturnes

Mogwai

Christopher O'Riley doing piano version of Radiohead and Elliott Smith

Considering I write mainly comedy, I've found myself thinking lately about bands that are funny. Bands that do the music version of what I do, to a certain extent. I realized some of my favorite bands are those that could be considered "comedic".

Maybe not everything they do is funny, and maybe none of it is laugh-out-loud funny, but lots of it is witty, tongue-in-cheek, absurd. Bands like:

Ween

Warren Zevon

Steely Dan

Beck

Even the Smiths are pretty witty and sometimes even funny.

They Might Be Giants is an obvious one

Bob Dylan is very funny sometimes.

Faith No More, Mr. Bungle and pretty much anything Mike Patton does is usually funny

The Flaming Lips

Frank Black's solo stuff

Jethro Tull

Pink Floyd

The Magnetic Fields

The Mountain Goats

Neutral Milk Hotel

Phish

Primus

Roxy Music

Talking Heads

All witty. Many funny. Most from a very similar musical genre (or at least from the same iTunes: mine). There are tons more I'm sure I'm not thinking of and I won't waste any more time trying to list them all. Feel free to add in the comment section though.

Then there's the bands that focus on being funny. I grew up on Weird Al Yankovic. Obviously there's Tenacious D. Flight of the Concords. I even had a comedic rap group for a while called The Trilambs.

Then I started playing around with comedy-music equivalents. Like who's the Led Zeppelin of comedy? George Carlin's a good fit. Edgy. In your face. Influenced nearly everyone that came after. Timeless. Badass. Honest. Dangerous. Legendary.

Who's the Beatles of comedy? This one is tough. Who appeals to nearly everybody and created a large percentage of the best comedy ever made? The Marx Brothers or Laurel and Hardy. I'll go with Laurel and Hardy.

Who's the Ween of comedy? Tim and Eric Awesome Show, Great Job Guys!

Who's the Radiohead of comedy? Stephen Wright obviously.

Or the other way: Who's the Judd Apatow of music? How about the Wu-Tang Clan.

Who's the Jerry Seinfeld of music? Paul Simon.

Who's the Dane Cook of music? Limp Bizkit.

The Woody Allen of music? Miles Davis works. Possibly Bob Dylan.

Who's the Chevy Chase of music? Van Halen (w/ David Lee Roth)

Okay, I have to get back to writing now. Add yours below...

From the Ashes... a Jew Emerges.

I have been in a bit of a cave for the past few weeks (since the films release). The cave I like to call "I owe a lot of writing around town now that the film is out and I have no excuses as to why I haven't turned them in yet".

But writing has been great. Working on a bunch of projects that I'm very excited about. Some for others. Some for me. Some for selling, some for keeping.

Some I will hopefully be able to talk about here very soon.

I have seen a lot of films as well lately. Getting back into my routine of seeing basically everything that comes out in the theaters. I have some thoughts to share about them as well.

And I'm also moving to Venice Beach soon. Which is fantastic.

More to come soon.

Lecture Films #3: Please Go See The Invention of Lying This Weekend!

Video #3, in which I implore you to go see The Invention of Lying -- out this Friday October 2nd, 2009, nationwide (and in Europe) -- by reading you a few film reviews.

TORONTO VIDEO

The TIOL team moments before our Toronto International

Film Festival Press Conference.

THE PREMIERE

The premiere was a blast last night.

The film played about as well as I can imagine it playing. Tons of laughter, some tears, cheering at the end.

I smiled ear to ear the whole way through.

Such a great culmination to two and a half years of work.

Now off to New York for a premiere there and then to L.A for the big premiere there.

I'll try to post some videos I took when I get to NYC.